Advice for Women: Dating (Again) After 40

Circumstances of life find some women suddenly single after 40. Dating when 40-something is different from 20 years ago. This article visits the pros and cons of Internet dating. Among other time tested tips, the reader will learn how to be safe when first connecting with an online date.

You thought it couldn’t happen to you. Yet, here you are suddenly single at 40-something. What they say is true. Diving into the big, scary dating pool when you are on the other side of 40 can be overwhelming. Due to today’s volatile dating scene, you might feel as if you’ve landed on alien shores. Nothing about dating in our fast-paced society seems familiar.

So, have you avoided online dating sites?  Perhaps you believe it’s all about being 20 and gorgeous.  If so, you may be pleasantly surprised at the vast number of 40-something single guys who would appreciate connecting with someone like you.

According to statistics on Match.com, 50 percent of daters using online dating sites are 30-49 years of age. Chances are, there are plenty of interesting men on 40-plus dating sites for you to choose from.

Preparation Pays Off

A common mistake is to dive into the Internet dating pool too quickly and end up disappointed at best and scammed or victimized at worst. Just because the guy who asks you out appears a prince on paper doesn’t guarantee he’s not a frog. 

Spend time learning how to craft your online profile and how to decipher online lingo. What is your honest intention? Determining what kind of relationship you are seeking will narrow your quest in searching for the appropriate dating site to join. Prior to filling out your online profile, prepare a fascinating paragraph or two about yourself – your interests, passions, hobbies, career, etc.

It’s a good idea to arrange a pre-date first. Suggest meeting for coffee at a popular restaurant. Say you have a prior appointment and excuse yourself after a few minutes if chemistry isn’t there. If you like each other, then you can go on a real date.

Romance Scammers

Don’t be a victim of online romance scammers, take cautions when a man wants to rush you into a serious relationship immediately. Pay attention to your gut feelings. If his picture is a little too gorgeous and his words are a little too smooth, you may have attracted a “sweetheart scammer.”

Watch for these warning flags: declares his love within a couple of weeks, cajoles you to leave the online dating site and communicate with him by phone, IM or your personal e-mail or even sends you gifts.

Typically, scammers pretend to live in a certain country but say they are currently working abroad. As things go on, he may book fictitious flights for a personal visit. Of course, he never shows up. 

Online dating scammers want to steal your money. They can spin dozens of believable stories: my mother is dying and needs an operation, I can’t pay my hotel bill this month because…, I’d love to see you in person if you’ll lend me money for airfare and so on.

Don’t become a victim of sweetheart scammers. Never send money, no matter how genuine he seems. Stop communicating with him and report him to the online dating site.

Online Dating Tips for Women Over 40

Men understand straight-talk. Tell him what you really intend to accomplish by online dating. For instance, male companionship, marriage, friend with benefits, etc. When you are honest about your relationship goals, you will boost your chances of connecting with the right guy.

Be open to dating younger men. Age difference doesn’t matter a fig to younger guys. They are generally high-energy and fun loving. Date men who appeal to you, disregarding their age. Older men may have big bucks, if money is your objective.

Be on the alert for guys who recently divorced. They typically carry a lot of resentments and bitterness. Plus, there are usually children in the background. Also, you may just be their transitional person. Overall, newly divorced guys aren’t the best relationship material. (Married guys aren’t relationship material at all.)

Safety First & Foremost

There comes a time when you’re ready to plunge into the pool of new experiences. You’re ready to get out there and meet your online date in person. Just don’t allow the excitement to overrule your common sense. Remember, your safety is first and foremost.

Before you leave home tell a family member or a friend where you are going, whom you are meeting, approximate time you’ll be home and pertinent details, such as your date’s phone number.  If plans change during the date, let your helper-person know where you will be. 

Arrange to meet your date in a popular restaurant. Lunch is a good time because other diners will be there who could act as witnesses if the date goes south.

You know this – but it bears emphasis – never, ever, ever let an online date pick you up at home, invite him to come home with you or go to his place until you know him better.

Drive to and from the date yourself. No car? No worries! Call Uber. At any rate, have your getaway plan made in the event the date deteriorates, or you get a funny feeling something’s not right.

You’re nervous. You want to gulp 2-3 glasses of Chardonnay.  This would constitute a serious no-no. Alcoholic beverages mess with your moral compass.  If your date doesn’t have good intentions, it’s easy for him to sweet-talk you into going somewhere private with him when you’re tipsy.

Final Thoughts

Chances are, love won’t come knocking at your door. Through online dating, you increase your chances to connect with a compatible male who shares your core values and interests.

Since the stigma of online dating is so yesterday, happy couples who met on the Internet are springing up like mushrooms.